A funny thing happened to me as I was reading Luke 5 and 6 today.
I haven’t been to church in quite a while, at least consistently. Three years ago I stopped attending Sunday mornings with the body I grew up with. I Participated with another group for about a year, and also went to a few services with another large group in town. But there is no attachment, no drawing. I ask Father why He does not lead me to be connected with the rest of the body in some way. There is simply no desire that comes from Him at this time. Not yet, not now, He tells me. I have things to teach you. I have things to show you. Return to Me. Draw near to me.
So as I was reading today, a funny thing happened. I felt a faith in the actions of Jesus that I haven’t felt before, or maybe for a long time. The healings seemed more possible. Speaking out felt more likely. Faith grew inside. And I know your asking, why can’t that happen while being committed to part of the body of Christ? I don’t know actually. Maybe it can. But not for me now.
What I do know is this. I see the body far too focussed on doing great things in the world, far too focussed on being salt and light. There isn’t nearly enoguh focus on repentance, on relationship. I needed to leave in order to get centred on Him. And I am no where near where I need to be in that regard.
These last 2 months I taught at a school in town, a secular school. And it was so good. There was fruit. There was satisfaction. And it came from me being simply focussed on obedience and love for the Father, and love for fellow human beings. There was no pressure to be salt and light within me. No pressure to have fruit. It simply was, because He was, because I was. No more, no less.
I don’t know how much sense this all makes. In many ways I am thinking out loud here. All I know is that God is leading me into an obedience and repentance that I haven’t known before, and committed solely to Him and my family, and nothing more, is helping that come about.
But I still long for brethern to dwell together in unity with.
To everything, there is a season.